i didn't want to but i did

Published 26 days ago • 1 min read

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the gist: my crying prayer

maybe this is TMI. sharing it anyway.

i recently posted a video about miscarriage.

i didn't want to. i felt prompted by God to do it, so i did.

it blew up. 72.3K views.

then God put it heavier on my heart to talk about miscarriage.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and somehow we still don't know how to talk about it. i guess everyone also eventually dies and we don't know how to talk about that either.

trauma is just hard.

then a memory of miscarrying came to the front of my mind, and God said, "record this."

i said, "no."

and He said, "fr. do it."

so i did — but i only put it in trial reels, and i vowed it would never see the light of day on my actual feed.

that one blew up too.

and God pushed on my heart for three straight days to just say the thing He wants me to say.

so on sunday i knelt down and cried and prayed and said:

"God, this feels like a wound, not a scar. and everyone says don't post your wounds."

and then i said:

"but my baby died. so it'll probably always feel like a wound."

and then:

"i feel like i'm going to throw up. but i'm going to post it. to show you i'll say what you want me to say. but you've got to help me."

so i posted it.

and the number of people who have messaged me saying "thank you for putting this feeling into words" is unreal.

the comments on that video — 57.1K views — are nuts.

miscarriage sucks.

following God is not easy sometimes.

but i'm grateful He's prompting me.

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the part i almost cut: had a full, ugly cry with travis after posting it. sometimes grief's just gotta get out.

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same time tomorrow: maria wendt's ig follower ad strategy i'm trying

we just keep getting better,

kjl

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