a huge part of operation pregnancy-proof is making this brain of mine a fortress.

i was genuinely scared by how much my soul shrank during my last pregnancy. and i'm determined not to shrink again — however much barfing comes at me.

so i keep signing up for hard things. a 35-mile race. cold showers. the whole psychopath starter pack.

and tomorrow: my first marathon.

which i'm excited about! i think i can actually do it!

the one thing working against me: foot pain that has gone from annoying to persistent.

i was really bummed. wondering if i should even race.

and then it hit me — these are the exact conditions i prayed for.

because the point of the marathon isn't to run a marathon. it's to be locked in.

and you cannot practice being locked in under perfect conditions.

though — locked in doesn't mean pushing through no matter what.

i think it means knowing the right thing for my body, and then doing it.

if it's uncomfortable but fine: carry on.

if it's a real problem: being mature enough to call it. and not feel like a quitter for calling it.

that's the actual test tomorrow. not the miles.

here's how it went: my kid couldn't sleep. which meant i couldn't sleep. which meant the morning routine was gone. then family came into town. then my toddler had a post-first-day-of-preschool kind of day. then urgent things became urgent.

i worked for exactly 20 minutes yesterday.

that 20 minutes was writing this.

so the socials didn't go out.

and my brain immediately went: all that effort last week is wasted. the algorithm is going to drop me. everyone's going to say "there she goes, disappearing again."

but i learned a phrase this year that's become a mantra:

the return is the practice.

more than the doing, it's the returning to the doing that matters.

so, return i will. everything's on time.

send all last-minute marathon tips, tricks, and good vibes.

here we go!

we just keep getting better,

kjl